4.11.09

Necessary Roughness, Week 8 in the NFL


NR presents

Week Eight in the NFL:
Brett Favre walks into Favre Stadium in Wisfavrein as a Favresota Favreing and favres the Favre Bay Favres


where…

…Denver is undefeated? Nevermore!
…for an extended period of time, the Lions/Rams score was 3-2, Rams!
…the Colts enter their play-down-to-their-opponents part of the schedule!
…Eli ducked and dodged the Duracells whizzing by his head on the sidelines!
…Big Ben successfully didn’t rape anyone during his bye week. Great job Ben!
…Jake makes amends for the NFC Championship game with Kurt’s six turnovers!
…there was something important about the Packers/Vikings game, but I can’t remember!

…beyond belief!


1st and 10…

Red hot Tony Romo and scorching, magma hot Miles Austin are officially new BFF’s, and Jason Witten is none too pleased. Romo and Austin are now constantly by one another’s side during practice, in the showers and even going as far as to room together on road trips. That’s right, Tony dumped Jason as his road trip roommate to take up with Miles presumably to talk football strategy, invent secret plays and plan their next high-profile sexual conquests. Terrell Owens is very pleased, though Witten has yet to cry at a press conference, publicly eat popcorn or overdose on anti-depressants.

It is officially three weeks and counting before those petulant old puss bags from the 1972 Miami Dolphins could potentially start cheering for a Colts or Saints loss. The Colts actually have to play a game against a real football club this season, so listen up all you Saints fans:

At 10-0 it gets real, and that’s when various members of the ’72 Dolphins start sniping and squawking like shriveled, featherless baby birds.

At 12-0 they turn their collective unbearable dial to 11.

At 14-0 they begin icing champagne and gather at Bob Griese’s place to watch the game. Bob has a gold, crushed velvet davenport. You will wish that a gas main springs a leak and erupts into a fiery hell at Bob's place.

At 16-0, the remaining 1972 Dolphins begin to trade their dialysis machines in for portable heart defibrillators and, in a particularly contemptible act, swear public injury voodoo upon your quarterback and coach.

Don’t worry about anything after that. If the Saints get by Minnesota in the NFC Championship game, they will be annihilated by Indianapolis, New England or Pittsburg in the Super Bowl, and the whole thing will just be over.

The Saints/Falcons Monday Night game was really interesting from the kicking game perspective (and that is the first time “really interesting” and “kicking game” have appeared in the same sentence). Jason Elam and John Carney—with Elam starring—missed three field goals at the Superdome, two of them inside of the 40 yard line. Inside of a dome. Unreal. Carney is especially disappointing for his part since he has been doing this kicking thing since before the Tecmo Super Bowl in '91. Visored Saints head coach Sean Payton also broke new ground in the timeout arena; using his last of the game to ice the Falcons on a final, desperate onside attempt. An onside attempt can really only be run three ways, and Payton’s icing of the kicker showed the play the Falcons had chose to run. Pretty solid coaching Sean, great job, but you still wear a visor.

Why not get racy with this last down? Why can a tall, white pocket passer like Matt Ryan throw up a disgusting performance like Monday night, yet guys like Steve Young will go to bat for him afterwards and insist that he is still learning? He ran directly into a defensive lineman for a sack four times. Vince Young helps legitimize the Titans offense, Chris Johnson runs wild for a franchise record 228 yards and the Titans get their first win of the season in week eight, yet no mention of Vince after the fact. Let’s take it a step further. Jason Campbell gets slaughtered for his 29/43 for 284 yards, 2 TDs 1 pick performance under constant duress against the Eagles (a game in which his apparently healthy starting RB quit in the third quarter) and Alex Smith is actually considered adequate in a casual 19/32 for 198 yards, 1TD and 1 pick against the Colts? Make this make sense.

…touchdown!


extra point…

Owen Daniels' knee explosion is the direct karmic result of Gary Kubiak's junior-highish benching of Steve Slaton over his fumble issues. You don't bench your best playmaker over a fumble Gary, no matter what that Oompa Loompa, Mike Shanahan told you in the past. Of course Slaton will fumble now and then. He's 125 pounds and he runs like he's wearing a jet pack! It comes with the territory!! He can also bust a 95-yard bubble screen to the end zone in nine seconds!!!

…it’s good!


3 comments:

  1. Lisa Fay4.11.09

    so...do you happen to be a colts fan? cant tell...go colts!

    ReplyDelete
  2. i guess i let my homerism go a little out of control there...go horse, blue doom!

    ReplyDelete
  3. horse never calls off the dogs!

    ReplyDelete