Necessary Roughness, Week 12 in the NFL

NR presents

Necessary Roughness Presents, Week 12 in the NFL :
Seriously, Chris Johnson now has three runs of 85 yards or more in a season. No other running back in the history of the NFL has had more than that in a career. He’s good.


…Vince Young still owns Matt Leinart’s football team!
…the Jaguars have been outscored 61–3 on west coast road trips!
…the Dolphins disgraced football by absolutely quitting during the Bills game!
…ESPN’s Adam Schefter is the first to report that he is the first to report something!
…you just can’t give Chris Redman 28 chances at the goal line, he will make you pay!
…the whimpering, wilting Texans crap away another big game, great job Gary Kubiak!
…Bud Adams says “eff you” Jeff Fisher and takes credit for Vince Young's playing time!

…beyond belief!

1st and 10…

I’ve had a deep–seated hate/fear/respect thing going on for Bill Belichick for years now. I hate his smug, cranky demeanor in press conferences. I hate his brazen 4th–and–go–for–it strategy which flies in the face of traditional football wisdom. I fear his defensive schemes and his faith in his quarterback and I ultimately respect him for all of the above. It’s a very confusing relationship which got even weirder on Monday night. If you had told me prior to Monday that Bill Belichick’s team would be utterly humiliated on prime time television (starting with his once legendary offensive and defensive lines), that Bill would look like a tiny, deflated man walking off the field and that he would be reduced to near tears in the postgame press conference; I would have assumed that all of this would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, nearly giddy. I didn’t feel that way though. Bill showed us that he does have a streak of humanity left inside his cold demeanor, and I couldn’t hate him after that. NFL fans, like residents of Gotham City, deserve a better class of villain than a defeated old man wearing what appeared to be pajamas while he stood at the podium and admitted that the Saints were better–coached, better–prepared and executed their game plan better than his team. Bill even pulled his starters with over four minutes left in the game. Last week they were still trying to hit Randy Moss deep with two minutes left in a blowout victory. Suck it up Bill, we love to hate you. Be the despicable little man we need you to be. In professional wrestling, the most talented personas are the most despised heels. It’s easy to like a guy when he comes out with an American flag draped over his shoulders, kisses babies and has a golden, flowing mullet. The heels we truly hate are actually working hardest in the ring to ensure that no side of their humanity slips out and they stay in character. Stay in character Bill. The NFL needs every Million Dollar Man and Ravishing Rick Rude it can get.

Steelers coach Mike Tomlin may have said that his team will “unleash hell on the NFL,” but I believe its already happened Mike. Tennessee Titans defensive end and longtime NFL dirt bag and cheap–shot artist Kyle Vanden Bosch was shown during the Titans/Cardinals game to have glowing red devil eyes. It was so obvious and disturbing that commentator Tim Ryan stopped mid–sentence to say, “my God, look at those eyes,” followed by several seconds of bone chilling silence as Vanden Bosch gazed straight ahead like a minotaur from hell. Pinhead, Kane and the demon from Paranormal Activity would have been scared right to Sunday church service if they had witnessed such a thing. Vanden Bosch said after the game that he pretends every NFL quarterback is Jesus, and that he will only stop sacking quarterbacks when the streets of America run red with the blood of the innocent. Great job Kyle! Also disturbing is the fact that Vince Young appears to be “getting” the whole NFL quarterback thing which is another sign that Vanden Bosch’s world wide apocalypse of death is looming some time in the near future.

There was absolutely no tryptophan needed on Thanksgiving to settle in for a long afternoon’s nap. The combined scores of the three turkey day games was 84–25. Whoa. The Packers and Broncos helped themselves to a bit of standings stuffing in the form of the Lions and Giants, keeping their playoff hopes alive while the Cowboys kicked off their annual December swoon with one last less–than–memorable romp of the Raiders. Dallas dreamboat quarterback Tony Romo plans to avoid the dreaded holiday weight gain by scrambling for his life for the next month and throwing ill–advised interceptions to NFC West foes that he must then chase down and tackle. Great job Tony! You really kicked up your undeserved pompousness and hate ability through the month of November for one of your greatest December collapses of all time, I can feel it. Tony, you are the very definition of a douche bag crossed with an asshat.

The NFL will not be complete until backup quarterback extraordinaire Chris Redman is the full-time starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins. Why not? If our nation’s capitol is allowed to have an NFL team known as the Redskins, then we must appoint a quarterback with a self-parodying name to lead the team. In fact, let’s just throw political correctness out the window for the other 31 NFL teams as we do for the Redskins. The Indianapolis Colts should now be known as the Indy Crackers. The Atlanta Falcons should become the Atlanta Black Guys. The Seahawks should become the Seattle Suicides. The Jacksonville Jaguars should become the Los Angeles Cougars. The Chicago Bears should be known as the Chicago Drunken Polocks. The Tennessee Titans can become the Nashville Kissing Cousins. The Giants can become the New York Football Jews. The Philly Eagles will be the South Philly White Trashers. The Lions should be the Detroit Homeless and the bay area can honor its Asian influence by changing San Fran from the 49ers to the Yellow Rice Bowls and the Oakland Raiders to the Oakland 10% Discounts. It can go on and on. Offended? You should be. None of this is okay, including the Washington Redskins. That entire organization, especially owner Daniel Snyder, is a black eye on the NFL. It’s a disgrace, and we should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing it to continue. Somebody should send the Redskins ownership some H1N1 infected blankets.


extra point…

What is up with injured quarterbacks being listed as backup or third string quarterbacks for game day? One is either injured and can’t play, or not injured and can play, right? Kyle Orton and Big Ben have both had this designation, even though Orton was getting around like a mummy with a high ankle sprain and Ben’s brain was injured. There is about a 93% chance that an injured NFL player will become much more injured if he plays in a live game, why risk it?

…it’s good!


I believe Colts coach Jim Caldwell is a super realistic cyborg running on a set program of football algorithms and equations written by Peyton Manning. They almost tricked me into believing he is a real person, but then one day I noticed that he does not blink or exhibit human emotion. They forgot to write that into the program running in his hard drive. Maybe Bill Polian will get that updated for next season.

...great job!

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