A Super Skimpy Week 14 in the NFL : There’s a strange Brown stain on the Terrible Towel
where…
…what I wouldn’t have given to be at that KC/BUF game!
…as of today, the entire AFC South is in the hunt for a playoff spot!
…Dom Capers tried a 1-5-5 defensive alignment aptly named Psycho!
…beyond belief!
the wade phillips memorial 4th and goal go for it in the first quarter…
The big question from the weekend was whether or not Randy Moss “quit” on Tom Brady and the Patriots. Quit? Not even close. We’ve seen Randy Moss quit before in Oakland, and quitting for Randy means quite literally…quitting. As in, not even dressing for the games anymore, so Randy really didn’t quit on Sunday. Did Randy take run plays off? Of course. Did he not sell out on a route a few times when he thought he wouldn’t get the ball? Sure. Was he frustrated all game due to Chris Gamble jamming him at the line and playing pretty tough coverage defense? Of course. That’s the way you play Moss. All of the above is the complete Randy Moss Experience, but he didn’t quit and one would get the feeling the Panthers won the game reading Chris Gamble’s post game comments. The thing about Randy is that he is a transcendent talent, and if you shut him down for 24 plays, he will usually burn you for an 80-yard touchdown on the 25th play. He didn’t on Sunday, but the Pats won the game. New York Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis shut Randy down twice this season, but the Jets only won one of those games. I’m a little concerned that Gamble and the other trash-talking Panthers might have kicked a sleeping dog. This is the exact kind of motivation that Bill Belichick and the other Pats need to unleash a batch of Mike Tomlin Fiery Hell on the NFL. Maybe the Panthers motivated the Patriots on purpose so that the NFL playoffs will be even more exciting while they are sitting at home in January watching the games and wondering who the new head coach will be or if the NFL will move their team to London. Great job Panthers!
…appropriately stuffed at the goal line!
ps…
Rest in peace Chris Henry. Your life ended as it existed, one wild ride. Hopefully you’ve found the peace you couldn’t find in this life
Necessary Roughness Presents, Week 13 in the NFL : Adam Schefter is the first to report that there are two undefeated teams and a to-be-named-later head coach is on the hot seat
where...
…I almost had tickets to the CHI/STL game!
…you’ve been flexed, New England Patriots!
…Vince Young plays great and only cries once!
…The Browns play a game and manage to always have 11 men on the field!
…Gary Kubiak should have been fired immediately after Chris Brown’s pick!
…The Pride of Pittsburg, Bruce Gradkowski, returns to raid and pillage his hometown!
…let’s not forget there was a NYJ/BUF game on Thursday! Actually, forget that happened!
…beyond belief!
1st and 10…
Well Mike, I’m not really sure what kind of hell the Steelers unleashed on Sunday, but it wasn’t the really scary kind of hell. It was more like the kind of hell that a tiny kitten might dream up during a mid-afternoon nap. The Steelers didn’t even unleash enough hell to beat the Raiders, which doesn’t take a whole lot of unleashing, really. It might seem though you were being cautious and double-leashing the hell you control Mike, because it seems as though if you unleashed any hell at all (even a little bit), the Steelers would have been able to beat the Raiders. It was more like the Steelers opened up a can of purgatory on the Raiders’ asses. Just a whole lot of not doing much, really.
December is a special month as it includes many great traditions such as gift giving and receiving, good will towards man, New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and the total collapse of the Dallas Cowboys. That tradition was officially uncorked in Week 13 as the New York Giants (who hadn’t won a football game in 40+ days) stomped the Cowboys in every way imaginable as Wade Philips stared on in disbelief and an assistant eventually had to use string to keep his mouth from hanging open and drool from pouring out of the corners. Indicative of the “Christmas Creep” the Cowboys traditional December slide actually started the last week of November this year as Tony Romo took some personal time to go to Vegas with some of his Cow boys. Miles Austin was even photographed flashing his huge, Baraka-esque smile with a cocktail waitress under each arm. Great Job Tony, Miles, Wade and the rest of the Cowboys! Great job! This is the exact kind of thing all the Colts and Saints are doing right now as well. Quality ownership creates a quality organization which creates a quality football team. Great job Jerry Jones!
It looks like everyone’s fashionable Super Bowl pick and in-general dream team, the Minnesota Vikings, aren’t as great as many people thought. I almost jumped on board that bandwagon, but then I thought about the fact that their offense is centered around a running back with a forced “chosen one” identity and a proven history of multi-fumble games, a 40-year-old quarterback who has looked 32 all season but can turn 49-years-old in a matter of seconds (or at the drop of a few degrees), and Brad Childress with his Hackers headset. That’s a pretty shaky trio to headline a potential Super Bowl team. Has anyone forgotten how Brett’s last few seasons have ended? With tears, and lots and lots of interceptions, that’s how they’ve ended.
Matt Forte revealed to a Chicago newspaper that he has had a hamstring issue since training camp, which could be a reason why he has had such a statistically poor season for the Chicago Bears. Really Matt? This sounds a lot like “the dog ate my homework.” An excuse for having no excuse really. The real problem you are experiencing this season Matt is that as an NFL running back you lack the speed, power, quickness, explosiveness and overall skills required to even be a low-level running back. You look like a CFL running back in the NFL Matt. But let’s humor this hamstring issue for one second. You say it’s been lingering since training camp Matt, but I find that hard to believe. That would mean your hamstring never healed through the months of inactivity you had at the beginning of the season when Jay Cutler was chucking 55 passes a game. It’s December now Matt. If you’ve had a hamstring issue since August, then the Chicago Bears trainers are the worst in the business, and your hamstring has probably detached from your leg by now and is bunched up somewhere near your knee joint. That’s my best guess.
…touchdown!
extra point…
That whole business I wrote last week about the NFL needing Bill Belichick, yeah…you can ignore that. Just pretend you never read it. It is waay too much fun to watch the once iron-willed New England Patriots come apart at the seams. The best is yet to come as they limp through December and back into the playoffs as a three seed only to get humiliated at home by a wild card. My vote right now is Tennessee.
Necessary Roughness Presents, Week 12 in the NFL : Seriously, Chris Johnson now has three runs of 85 yards or more in a season. No other running back in the history of the NFL has had more than that in a career. He’s good.
where...
…Vince Young still owns Matt Leinart’s football team!
…the Jaguars have been outscored 61–3 on west coast road trips!
…the Dolphins disgraced football by absolutely quitting during the Bills game!
…ESPN’s Adam Schefter is the first to report that he is the first to report something!
…you just can’t give Chris Redman 28 chances at the goal line, he will make you pay!
…the whimpering, wilting Texans crap away another big game, great job Gary Kubiak!
…Bud Adams says “eff you” Jeff Fisher and takes credit for Vince Young's playing time!
…beyond belief!
1st and 10…
I’ve had a deep–seated hate/fear/respect thing going on for Bill Belichick for years now. I hate his smug, cranky demeanor in press conferences. I hate his brazen 4th–and–go–for–it strategy which flies in the face of traditional football wisdom. I fear his defensive schemes and his faith in his quarterback and I ultimately respect him for all of the above. It’s a very confusing relationship which got even weirder on Monday night. If you had told me prior to Monday that Bill Belichick’s team would be utterly humiliated on prime time television (starting with his once legendary offensive and defensive lines), that Bill would look like a tiny, deflated man walking off the field and that he would be reduced to near tears in the postgame press conference; I would have assumed that all of this would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, nearly giddy. I didn’t feel that way though. Bill showed us that he does have a streak of humanity left inside his cold demeanor, and I couldn’t hate him after that. NFL fans, like residents of Gotham City, deserve a better class of villain than a defeated old man wearing what appeared to be pajamas while he stood at the podium and admitted that the Saints were better–coached, better–prepared and executed their game plan better than his team. Bill even pulled his starters with over four minutes left in the game. Last week they were still trying to hit Randy Moss deep with two minutes left in a blowout victory. Suck it up Bill, we love to hate you. Be the despicable little man we need you to be. In professional wrestling, the most talented personas are the most despised heels. It’s easy to like a guy when he comes out with an American flag draped over his shoulders, kisses babies and has a golden, flowing mullet. The heels we truly hate are actually working hardest in the ring to ensure that no side of their humanity slips out and they stay in character. Stay in character Bill. The NFL needs every Million Dollar Man and Ravishing Rick Rude it can get.
Steelers coach Mike Tomlin may have said that his team will “unleash hell on the NFL,” but I believe its already happened Mike. Tennessee Titans defensive end and longtime NFL dirt bag and cheap–shot artist Kyle Vanden Bosch was shown during the Titans/Cardinals game to have glowing red devil eyes. It was so obvious and disturbing that commentator Tim Ryan stopped mid–sentence to say, “my God, look at those eyes,” followed by several seconds of bone chilling silence as Vanden Bosch gazed straight ahead like a minotaur from hell. Pinhead, Kane and the demon from Paranormal Activity would have been scared right to Sunday church service if they had witnessed such a thing. Vanden Bosch said after the game that he pretends every NFL quarterback is Jesus, and that he will only stop sacking quarterbacks when the streets of America run red with the blood of the innocent. Great job Kyle! Also disturbing is the fact that Vince Young appears to be “getting” the whole NFL quarterback thing which is another sign that Vanden Bosch’s world wide apocalypse of death is looming some time in the near future.
There was absolutely no tryptophan needed on Thanksgiving to settle in for a long afternoon’s nap. The combined scores of the three turkey day games was 84–25. Whoa. The Packers and Broncos helped themselves to a bit of standings stuffing in the form of the Lions and Giants, keeping their playoff hopes alive while the Cowboys kicked off their annual December swoon with one last less–than–memorable romp of the Raiders. Dallas dreamboat quarterback Tony Romo plans to avoid the dreaded holiday weight gain by scrambling for his life for the next month and throwing ill–advised interceptions to NFC West foes that he must then chase down and tackle. Great job Tony! You really kicked up your undeserved pompousness and hate ability through the month of November for one of your greatest December collapses of all time, I can feel it. Tony, you are the very definition of a douche bag crossed with an asshat.
The NFL will not be complete until backup quarterback extraordinaire Chris Redman is the full-time starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins. Why not? If our nation’s capitol is allowed to have an NFL team known as the Redskins, then we must appoint a quarterback with a self-parodying name to lead the team. In fact, let’s just throw political correctness out the window for the other 31 NFL teams as we do for the Redskins. The Indianapolis Colts should now be known as the Indy Crackers. The Atlanta Falcons should become the Atlanta Black Guys. The Seahawks should become the Seattle Suicides. The Jacksonville Jaguars should become the Los Angeles Cougars. The Chicago Bears should be known as the Chicago Drunken Polocks. The Tennessee Titans can become the Nashville Kissing Cousins. The Giants can become the New York Football Jews. The Philly Eagles will be the South Philly White Trashers. The Lions should be the Detroit Homeless and the bay area can honor its Asian influence by changing San Fran from the 49ers to the Yellow Rice Bowls and the Oakland Raiders to the Oakland 10% Discounts. It can go on and on. Offended? You should be. None of this is okay, including the Washington Redskins. That entire organization, especially owner Daniel Snyder, is a black eye on the NFL. It’s a disgrace, and we should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing it to continue. Somebody should send the Redskins ownership some H1N1 infected blankets.
…touchdown!
extra point…
What is up with injured quarterbacks being listed as backup or third string quarterbacks for game day? One is either injured and can’t play, or not injured and can play, right? Kyle Orton and Big Ben have both had this designation, even though Orton was getting around like a mummy with a high ankle sprain and Ben’s brain was injured. There is about a 93% chance that an injured NFL player will become much more injured if he plays in a live game, why risk it?
…it’s good!
ps...
I believe Colts coach Jim Caldwell is a super realistic cyborg running on a set program of football algorithms and equations written by Peyton Manning. They almost tricked me into believing he is a real person, but then one day I noticed that he does not blink or exhibit human emotion. They forgot to write that into the program running in his hard drive. Maybe Bill Polian will get that updated for next season.
